Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Everything Happens for a Reason

I know, it's such a cliche, but it is so true. And something that I have to remember, time after time. 

I believe that every experience I have ever lived through has led me up to where I am. (which is sitting on my couch typing this whilst watching Master Chef with my family :)

I can easily say that last week was terribly, horribly, atrocious. No lie. I experienced such an array of dismal and irate emotions, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I felt hurt by people that and I loved and trusted, and I took it to heart. I had to deal with anxiety and panic attacks up to the point that one night I broke down in tears, and couldn't stop crying. Once all of the emotions started flowing, the dams in my mind broke and everything came to the surface. I felt the pain of my current distress, as well as the emotions from my past that I keep buried.

I cried and felt depressed for the whole evening. I woke up with a cloudy head, and was just drained. I literally didn't know how to go forward. Thankfully, due to a panic attack I that I randomly had last week, I was able to see a therapist. It was helpful to lay everything out to a third party. I also had a facebook friend that I  (unfortunately) rarely communicate with, reach out to me, which was unexpected and filled me with warmth and gratitude. 

I had two separate situations that were causing me grief. Honestly by the end of the week they had both worked themselves out. If you had told me the outcomes during my break down, I wouldn't have believed you. Another cliche moment brought to you via me ;) . 

All of this has taught me, that I need to start letting things roll off my back. To not take so much to heart. At one point in my past, I got through my emotions by thinking "This is the worse that can ever happen to me. From now now, I can handle everything." Well... that's not so much the case. I have realized that every situation effects me directly and completely, no matter what I have been through before. Experiences are nothing if I don't learn the tools of how to handle myself when my emotions are under duress.

I feel happier than I have in a long time. I have several different elements that have changed, and effecting my daily life, so I have no way of knowing if it is one thing, or a combination of all. I have renewed and strengthened a friendship, begun new one, and started an old one over. I have a new job, which is very high profile, and keeps me busy. It gets my name out in a positive way around base, which I love. Last, but not least, after two years, my car is running again. I love driving my car, it is very stress relieving to drive home, listening to my sound system, while switching gears. Automatics sucks :p

For the first time in a long time, I have been coming home all week happy. I never noticed that I was coming home depressed, until I realized how much of a better mood I have been in. It makes me wish I could always live in the now, instead of feeling the pain from the past. I have many people who love me, and are willing to listen to my fears and gripes. I truly appreciate all of you. (But, you'll only know that if you read this :p)


  1. I live you girl with all my heart. After dropping of those special packages last week lol and fixing your car it was so amazing to see you really happy and smiling, have not seen you like that in a loooong while. I told you sweetheart you gotta let that crap and depression roll of you're back. Its not worth the pain. With this being said about the way things come around full circle, you sent my way for a reason you are the sister I never had and so desperately needed! Love you!

  2. Plus you are my best friend and I love you! ;-)